In the months building up to the move there is so much to do and plan, working to tight deadlines. Most of which is supported when you have a relocation consultant as they work with you whilst simultaneously addressing many of your fears when you get into moments of doubt and uncertainty. At the same time of the logistics of the move, there is a whirlwind of goodbyes, highly emotional and upsetting lasts for everyone be it the last day at school, the last dinner with family and friends. Whilst there are tears during the goodbyes it’s balanced out with the excitement and expectation of what awaits you and your family in a new country.
When you first arrive, it can feel a bit like the honeymoon period, living in serviced accommodation you find much joy in the constant state of sunshine, the novelty of a daily dip in the pool and being out of the grind of daily life at home be it the commute or the cleaning! Discovering all the richness of a new city and a new culture, the giddiness of spending your weekends at the beach, the time you gain as a family, the excitement of the unknown. There is a feeling of being on holiday without being on holiday for quite a few months, everything is perfect …
Then boom it hits you, a tidal wave of emotions like you have never experienced before, it’s very common to feel overwhelmed be it you’re a first-time expat or a seasoned pro at international moves. The house is sorted, the container is unpacked, and the children are at school, you or your partner have started work, you suddenly have time to sit, breathe, reflect, and realise what you have accomplished in the last few months, the life you’ve said goodbye to and what your new life looks like.
Emotional Overwhelm can find you feeling out of control and getting caught up in too many emotions at one time some feel better than others. When the negative emotions start to creep in, they start to compound and build up often putting you in a spin, manifesting themselves in some very big and uncomfortable feelings and behaviours. Having lived an expat life myself and now working with clients to help them navigate change and uncertainty what I can assure you is that this is all totally normal and a natural response to the change you are going through. Absolutely every single aspect of your life changes, nothing is the same, in normal circumstances you move through challenges with ease but for some reason this is a moment in time when you may feel like you are unravelling and not able to cope as effortlessly as you have in the past.
Below are some of the very common emotions that come you be experiencing as part of emotional overwhelm. Typically, the clients I work have experienced a wide range of these emotions, none of them sit in isolation!
Before you read the list below and put yourself into a state of panic, what you need to know this is all totally normal! It is a natural response to change to find yourself a shadow of your usual self, in a constant state of comparison unable to embrace your new life as you find yourself withdrawing from everything and everyone. The good news is that there can be absolutely ground breaking moments of personal growth as you find peace of mind, acceptance and build resilience as you move through the emotions and very uncomfortable experiences.
1. Loneliness. Finding your tribe can take time particularly if you are someone who seeks authentic connection and or they are not feeling like themselves.
2. Guilt. Choosing to live away from family and the expectations of them, putting your children through so much change with schools and friends can cause a lot of unexpected anxiety and self-doubt.
3. Resentment. Hitting the ground running in a new job and managing family life with no support network can cause a lot of tension and resentment and put a lot of strain on relationships that you have not experienced before. This is often exacerbated when a partner’s role is the reason behind the move.
4. Grief for the life left behind, this can cause you to feel very heavy and emotional. It can hit people at even a physical level which then causes more anxiety.
5. Fear of the unknown, going into a future state of negative and catastrophising stories of what ifs.
6. Loss of identity, in the workplace and community. With no history with colleagues and the people you meet socially can result in feeling stressed in new social environments and the workplace.
7. Homesickness. Time differences make it harder to connect to those that are so important to you and understand you well enough to offer the kindness and empathy you are seeking. The ease of life that you experienced in your home country and all that comforts you on a bad day is often missed which can lead to the unhelpful emotion of comparing lives.
8. Lack of purpose, disconnected from yourself, passions, and goals. Many clients often find themselves stuck or in a ‘freeze state’ and just can’t find the energy or momentum to move forward.
9. Shame and frustration that you are unable to cope with the change, at times my clients have often feel embarrassed that there is a disconnect between how life looks on the outside to how they are feeling on the inside.
10. Completely overwhelmed, exhausted unable to make decisions, it can feel like you are on a treadmill at a high speed!
Should you be reading this through and nodding like a dog you may think where do I start? The most important thing is to put your own oxygen mask on first, you can’t support anyone else until you are in balance and emotionally stable.
After months of being busy it’s time for you to slow right down. I am not going to prescribe a one size fits all solution. My best advice is to take your time, be kind to yourself, acknowledge that you are feeling overwhelmed with kindness and no judgement, the validation of how you are feeling can be enough to help you move through the overwhelm. Many of you can deal with this by yourselves and or with the support of family and friends back home and for some it can mean seeking professional help.
